I haven’t posted in forever, and that is for good reason. I was going through a really tough ending on a two year relationship with someone I had thought I was going to marry. It’s unfortunate how life doesn’t go as you plan, but I must say it does set up for teaching lessons.
One thing I have learned through all this is that I am stronger than I thought I was. Usually, I am such an emotional person (no joke, like, I cry even at the sight of a homeless person or a slightly sad scene in a movie. It’s bad.) but I kept it together. Maybe it’s because of how it all ended, or maybe it’s because I ended up getting the closure I needed but I was able to keep it together, which is a lot for me. It took a lot of deep breaths and reminding myself that I can do this.
There are times where I didn’t eat or drink water, and all I did was cry. I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than cry and pray and cry more. It was really tough, but having support of my best friends around me helped. They constantly reminded me that I was okay and that I can pull through this. While it isn’t something you want to hear at the time, it’s good to hear it because one day, it will get through to you. And while it doesn’t seem like anything will ever go right in your life again and that you’ll never feel anything but misery – YOU WILL. I am a walking example of that.
This relationship was my first SERIOUS relationship and the first guy I’ve ever loved. Of course I felt that I would never feel okay again. I literally planned a future with him, but one thing I have to remind myself that it wasn’t meant to be, and that it’s for the best. Not the thing you want to hear right now, I get that. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason behind why this is happening. It is unknown, but the pain that is going on will help lead us to new found strength.
If you need time to be alone, it’s okay. It’s also okay if you go out right away and party. However you want to deal with it, do it. You’re allowed to sit in your room and cry, as long as you don’t do that for months straight. You’re allowed to go out and drink with your friends, as long as you don’t do it daily. There has to be a healthy balance, and find the best way for you to overcome this.
I constantly only think of the good times. I want to remember all of them, and that is completely okay. However, thinking of only the good times isn’t going to help either. I know you don’t want to remember them as someone you hated, but it doesn’t have to be that way either. Remembering all the hurt and the reasons why it lead to this helps. No relationship is perfect, and thinking of the “perfect” moment in yours isn’t going to assist in your healing. I know it sounds contradicting, but it’s still okay to remember those moments – but when you are ready. When you feel you are stable enough to think about the good times without running back and begging, then it is time to let your mind wander.
Write a letter to them. Unless you are going to say goodbye to the person, don’t send it or do anything. Burn it. Keep it. Just get all your hurt out. Tell them what’s hurting you. Tell them their flaws. Tell them what irritated you. Tell them how upset you are. Get it all out and tell them all that. I was able to talk to my ex the other day and we said goodbye the proper way so I gave him my letter. Other than that, do whatever you want. Chances are, you should just burn it. Let it go in flames as a way to say goodbye for your closure.
Personally, music and writing out my feelings helped me. Make a playlist with your favorite breakup songs (my personal favorite right now is The Feeling by Justin Bieber & Halsey. Ugh YES.), and get a notebook or make a blog. Write out all of your feelings and emotions and why you feel the way you do. I started to write in my notebook about my feelings and thoughts since the day of the break up, and I find that I write less some days, and more some others. However, it’s good to keep and express yourself this way. You can look back one day and see what you went through, and realize that you overcame a time in your life that you never thought you would.
TBH, working out. It’s not for everyone, but it is something that I’m starting. I feel that it is going to be a great way for me to get all my anger and frustration out. You can let go of the pain and put it in running or pilates. (Also, while you’re dying from working out, you don’t think of the other person and you are distracted).
Put all the stuff that reminds you of them in a box and put it away. This was one of the first things I did because I wasn’t even able to sleep in my own room without the constant thoughts. So, I got a box, put all of the things he bought me or things we bought together in, and put it in the basement. In time, when ready, then I can go through the box without the stabbing pain in my chest. For now, it is out of sight and out of mind. I suggest you do the same. It’s amazing how much that little step can work.
It’s also important to remember that this isn’t your fault. Now, I don’t know what happened or why it lead to this, but it isn’t completely your fault. There are two people in a relationship, so the blame can’t be just on one person. I’m nowhere near ready to talk about why mine ended, but looking back, I realized that I took the blame for 98% of things. It’s not like that. Both halves are at fault in some way, so please remember that you are not to blame for everything. We all have flaws, but you shouldn’t have to feel that this is all because of you. This isn’t your fault, and you need to imprint that in your mind right now before it drives you insane.
Honestly, my best friends helped pull me through this. I have no idea where I’d be without them. They helped me find this strength I needed to get through this. They are constantly helping me and are encouraging me to find inner peace with what happened and know that I am okay. Find those people, whether it is your best friends, strangers you meet that have NO idea about your life, or your parents. Even confiding in a pet can help.
Talk it out. I find that talking it out brings me to more realizations. There are some things that I hadn’t noticed before, but it clicked in my mind when I talked to my best friend about it. It definitely helps. You can express yourself and cry and get all those feelings out. It’s completely healthy to.
REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE BAD BITCH YOU KNOW YOU ARE. You don’t need anyone else taking that away from you. You are beautiful, strong, thoughtful and you deserve someone to treat you like the sweetheart you are.
I know it seems that all hope is lost and that you’ll never be okay, but you will be. It’s your time now. Do things you want to do. Want to see a cliche movie that your ex put down? Go watch it. Want to have a pamper evening that you were rarely allowed to? Do it. Go out for drinks with friends? DO IT. Do whatever your pretty heart desires. It’s your time to figure out who you are and all the things you are capable of.
Last of all, you will be okay. You are strong and will get through this. I promise.