SO, my last post was about how to get through a breakup a little easier, or the steps that I take, at least. While those do help, I can’t help but realize that it’s still hard.
While I know that I’m okay – I can go through the day without crying and I am more easily distracted – it still hurts. There comes certain times in the day, music, shows, movies, even a certain smell makes me think of him, and it hurts. That’s when I start to miss him, no matter how much I know that I shouldn’t. There comes a time in the night where I consider running back to him and fix our relationship. No matter how much I want to, I don’t. Because I know that if I do, I would go right back to square one when it doesn’t work out. AGAIN.
Every relationship and breakup is different. I can sit here and tell you that you’re going to be okay in no time and that you deserve better all I want, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else says until YOU realize it. I am in that stage now. I’m slowly realizing how hard my relationship was and that it wasn’t healthy for me. I did more crying and fighting than anything. Seeing that for the first time is making this whole thing easier.
I’m able to go to work and not think of him. I’m able to do whatever I want without caring if his friends will be there to tell him what I’m doing. I don’t have to worry about a damn thing.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. He was a big part of my life and I genuinely thought I had a future with him. Letting that go is what is so hard about this. Accepting that it is over and that it’s not meant to be is what is making me second guess everything but I have to STAY STRONG. I got this. I’m free.
At the end of the day, I can miss him and love him all I want, but I do not need him. My life is my life and I can do whatever the F I want with it.
Thanks for listening to my rant! It probably made absolutely no sense but I hope it can somewhat relate to some of you.