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Breakups Aren’t Easy

Hey y’all!

SO, my last post was about how to get through a breakup a little easier, or the steps that I take, at least. While those do help, I can’t help but realize that it’s still hard.

While I know that I’m okay – I can go through the day without crying and I am more easily distracted – it still hurts. There comes certain times in the day, music, shows, movies, even a certain smell makes me think of him, and it hurts. That’s when I start to miss him, no matter how much I know that I shouldn’t. There comes a time in the night where I consider running back to him and fix our relationship. No matter how much I want to, I don’t. Because I know that if I do, I would go right back to square one when it doesn’t work out. AGAIN.

Every relationship and breakup is different. I can sit here and tell you that you’re going to be okay in no time and that you deserve better all I want, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else says until YOU realize it. I am in that stage now. I’m slowly realizing how hard my relationship was and that it wasn’t healthy for me. I did more crying and fighting than anything. Seeing that for the first time is making this whole thing easier.

I’m able to go to work and not think of him. I’m able to do whatever I want without caring if his friends will be there to tell him what I’m doing. I don’t have to worry about a damn thing.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. He was a big part of my life and I genuinely thought I had a future with him. Letting that go is what is so hard about this. Accepting that it is over and that it’s not meant to be is what is making me second guess everything but I have to STAY STRONG. I got this. I’m free.

At the end of the day, I can miss him and love him all I want, but I do not need him. My life is my life and I can do whatever the F I want with it.

Thanks for listening to my rant! It probably made absolutely no sense but I hope it can somewhat relate to some of you.

xoxo

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Going Through a Breakup

Hey y’all!

I haven’t posted in forever, and that is for good reason. I was going through a really tough ending on a two year relationship with someone I had thought I was going to marry. It’s unfortunate how life doesn’t go as you plan, but I must say it does set up for teaching lessons.

One thing I have learned through all this is that I am stronger than I thought I was. Usually, I am such an emotional person (no joke, like, I cry even at the sight of a homeless person or a slightly sad scene in a movie. It’s bad.) but I kept it together. Maybe it’s because of how it all ended, or maybe it’s because I ended up getting the closure I needed but I was able to keep it together, which is a lot for me. It took a lot of deep breaths and reminding myself that I can do this.

There are times where I didn’t eat or drink water, and all I did was cry. I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than cry and pray and cry more. It was really tough, but having support of my best friends around me helped. They constantly reminded me that I was okay and that I can pull through this. While it isn’t something you want to hear at the time, it’s good to hear it because one day, it will get through to you. And while it doesn’t seem like anything will ever go right in your life again and that you’ll never feel anything but misery – YOU WILL. I am a walking example of that.

This relationship was my first SERIOUS relationship and the first guy I’ve ever loved. Of course I felt that I would never feel okay again. I literally planned a future with him, but one thing I have to remind myself that it wasn’t meant to be, and that it’s for the best. Not the thing you want to hear right now, I get that. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason behind why this is happening. It is unknown, but the pain that is going on will help lead us to new found strength.

If you need time to be alone, it’s okay. It’s also okay if you go out right away and party. However you want to deal with it, do it. You’re allowed to sit in your room and cry, as long as you don’t do that for months straight. You’re allowed to go out and drink with your friends, as long as you don’t do it daily. There has to be a healthy balance, and find the best way for you to overcome this.

I constantly only think of the good times. I want to remember all of them, and that is completely okay. However, thinking of only the good times isn’t going to help either. I know you don’t want to remember them as someone you hated, but it doesn’t have to be that way either. Remembering all the hurt and the reasons why it lead to this helps. No relationship is perfect, and thinking of the “perfect” moment in yours isn’t going to assist in your healing. I know it sounds contradicting, but it’s still okay to remember those moments – but when you are ready. When you feel you are stable enough to think about the good times without running back and begging, then it is time to let your mind wander.

Write a letter to them. Unless you are going to say goodbye to the person, don’t send it or do anything. Burn it. Keep it. Just get all your hurt out. Tell them what’s hurting you. Tell them their flaws. Tell them what irritated you. Tell them how upset you are. Get it all out and tell them all that. I was able to talk to my ex the other day and we said goodbye the proper way so I gave him my letter. Other than that, do whatever you want. Chances are, you should just burn it. Let it go in flames as a way to say goodbye for your closure.

Personally, music and writing out my feelings helped me. Make a playlist with your favorite breakup songs (my personal favorite right now is The Feeling by Justin Bieber & Halsey. Ugh YES.), and get a notebook or make a blog. Write out all of your feelings and emotions and why you feel the way you do. I started to write in my notebook about my feelings and thoughts since the day of the break up, and I find that I write less some days, and more some others. However, it’s good to keep and express yourself this way. You can look back one day and see what you went through, and realize that you overcame a time in your life that you never thought you would. 

TBH, working out. It’s not for everyone, but it is something that I’m starting. I feel that it is going to be a great way for me to get all my anger and frustration out. You can let go of the pain and put it in running or pilates. (Also, while you’re dying from working out, you don’t think of the other person and you are distracted).

Put all the stuff that reminds you of them in a box and put it away. This was one of the first things I did because I wasn’t even able to sleep in my own room without the constant thoughts. So, I got a box, put all of the things he bought me or things we bought together in, and put it in the basement. In time, when ready, then I can go through the box without the stabbing pain in my chest. For now, it is out of sight and out of mind. I suggest you do the same. It’s amazing how much that little step can work.

It’s also important to remember that this isn’t your fault. Now, I don’t know what happened or why it lead to this, but it isn’t completely your fault. There are two people in a relationship, so the blame can’t be just on one person. I’m nowhere near ready to talk about why mine ended, but looking back, I realized that I took the blame for 98% of things. It’s not like that. Both halves are at fault in some way, so please remember that you are not to blame for everything. We all have flaws, but you shouldn’t have to feel that this is all because of you. This isn’t your fault, and you need to imprint that in your mind right now before it drives you insane.

Honestly, my best friends helped pull me through this. I have no idea where I’d be without them. They helped me find this strength I needed to get through this. They are constantly helping me and are encouraging me to find inner peace with what happened and know that I am okay. Find those people, whether it is your best friends, strangers you meet that have NO idea about your life, or your parents. Even confiding in a pet can help.

Talk it out. I find that talking it out brings me to more realizations. There are some things that I hadn’t noticed before, but it clicked in my mind when I talked to my best friend about it. It definitely helps. You can express yourself and cry and get all those feelings out. It’s completely healthy to.

REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE BAD BITCH YOU KNOW YOU ARE. You don’t need anyone else taking that away from you. You are beautiful, strong, thoughtful and you deserve someone to treat you like the sweetheart you are. 

I know it seems that all hope is lost and that you’ll never be okay, but you will be. It’s your time now. Do things you want to do. Want to see a cliche movie that your ex put down? Go watch it. Want to have a pamper evening that you were rarely allowed to? Do it. Go out for drinks with friends? DO IT. Do whatever your pretty heart desires. It’s your time to figure out who you are and all the things you are capable of. 

Last of all, you will be okay. You are strong and will get through this. I promise.

xoxo

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My Birthday!

Hey y’all!

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday!! May 31st is the exact day, and it was definitely a great day overall. It is Gemini season and it couldn’t be better.

I planned on sleeping in, but my dog had other plans, apparently. He woke me up because he had to go outside, so I mean, it is understandable. After I let him out, my parents and Oma said happy birthday to me. I opened a lovely card and chocolate from my Oma, a Swarovski pen from my brother & sister-in-law (which I did not expect at all) and then an Amazon Fire Tablet along with a case from my parents. I appreciated it all so much, and while I did not expect anything, it made me very grateful.

My parents then made me breakfast, which was delicious as always. My dad made me my favorite chocolate chip pancakes, which was just perfect. I then had to get ready for work after, and then had some cake with my family before I left.

I was genuinely surprised at work to see that many people remembered my birthday, and wished me a happy birthday. It made my heart feel nice. I also received a card, some chocolate and a bottle of Essie nail polish. It was overall very sweet.

After work, came dinner! I went to a Greek restaurant in town with my family and my boyfriend came along. It was delicious as always, and nonstop chatter and laughter with how we all are. I was very happy with it, and it was nice to share that time with the people that mean most to me.

My boyfriend gave me a rose gold Swarovski bracelet. It is absolutely gorgeous and I was LITERALLY the heart eye emoji when I opened it. He spent the night with me so my day was amazing start to finish.

I received so many birthday wishes throughout the day (you all know how much your phone tends to go off on your birthday) and I appreciated them all. My best friend checked on me periodically through the day and it made my day better, just knowing that she was there for me, being supportive throughout.

I think my next post will be a review on the tablet. I really enjoy it so far, and will gladly give my opinion in it.

Have a lovely day!

xoxo

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Weekend Recap

Hey y’all!

I hope you had a great weekend!! Whether or not you had a 3 day, I hope you made the most of it either way. Tomorrow is unfortunately back to reality – but my birthday is coming up in two days! Yay!

The weather this weekend has been awesome. Mid 80’s (about 28’c) and sunshine. I made a fancy grilled cheese that I had mentioned in my previous post. Instead of regular and traditional grilled cheese – there was a twist. I used Crushed Black Pepper Turkey, Pepper Jack Cheese, and jalapeños for the sandwich. Technically not a grilled cheese anymore, but it was made the same so it counts. There were fireworks on Saturday as well (early, I know) to celebrate and honor Memorial Day. It was a lovely 30 minutes and it is important that we remember why have Memorial Day.

Yesterday (Sunday) was completely relaxed. I let myself sleep in until about 1 pm, made pancakes with Reese’s chocolate chips (I have to put my recipe for my breakfast foods and other meals that I enjoy making) and then did homework. I spent the rest of my day watching chick flicks. I finally watched The Prince & Me and I absolutely love it. I also watched She’s The Man (classic) and Letters to Juliet, which may be my new favorite chick flick to watch when I’m in a lovey mood.

Today (Monday) I cleaned and laid outside to tan. It is so beautiful outside and I have quite a view, so I enjoyed it while reading. I am currently reading two different books, “When I’m Gone” by Emily Bleeker and “First and Goal by Kata Cuic. Two very different styles. I am not far into either, but I will be definitely putting up reviews about each, and other books that I will start reading. I am a sucker for summer romance novels right now, it is my favorite thing to do when I am laying around. Reading is something that I enjoy doing very much and will be doing much more now that my online class is ending next week. The more books to read, the more time I spend laying out in the sun with this to look at  –

 

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you would do the same.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great week ahead of you!

xoxo

 

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Getting Into Cooking Shows

Hey y’all!

Happy weekend! It is a 3 day weekend, and it is important that we keep the meaning of memorial day in our minds and remember all those that have fallen.

That being said, it is only day 1 of the weekend and it has already been lovely. I stayed up until 3 am last night watching cooking shows. Honestly, that is probably what I’m going to do the rest of the weekend as well. I don’t know what it is about cooking shows that inspires you and makes you feel you could become a chef – when in reality, you can barely boil water (I can make the basics, but this makes me feel like I can accomplish anything).

I started with Beat Bobby Flay. If you are not familiar with this show, this is where Chef Bobby Flay has two appearances to judge food that two other chefs make, who are competing to get a chance to beat Bobby himself. Bobby gives them one ingredient that they have to make a meal based off of, in only 20 minutes. Whoever wins that challenge then goes up against Bobby, where they state their signature dish, and Bobby has to make a version of it. They have 45 minutes, and it’s fun because the two appearances then mess with Bobby to try and get him to lose. They have 3 professional chefs come in to taste and judge the dishes, without knowing who made them. It is a -half hour episode- show which is very enjoyable, and I could binge watch these all day.

The next show was called Ginormous Foods. This show follows comedian Josh Denny around to different cities in America to restaurants that have a crazy large dish. I remember one particular episode where there was a 17 lb. burrito. I MEAN WHAT. I think that is enough said about how the show goes. He tries signature dishes in the episode, then gets to help create the ginormous dish. He shares with other customers in the restaurant, which is nice of him. This show is also about half an hour, and I do not recommend watching this show at 1:30 am when you are hungry. It gets rough.

The last show I watched was Kitchen Nightmares. My favorite chef to watch created this – Gordon Ramsay. He is such a character, and I love it (I personally would cry if he talked to me the way he talked to some of the people on his shows, but I like watching it). He visits various restaurants in different cities that used to do well, but has had a downfall. He goes in, orders a dish, and then critiques the food and the environment around him. He observes the decoration, the presentation of the food, how he is served and how other customers around him are reacting. He then goes in the back and looks around, and is able to talk to the owner about the business and gets an insight as to why it is failing. He starts of slow; by sitting in the kitchen during a busy night and seeing how the chef and waiters handle it. Usually, it is chaos but it gets entertaining seeing Gordon start to get mad and let loose. While he may use this approach, he still gives tips and helps out the restaurant in the best ways he sees fit and does his best to assist in turning the business around. It is quite an addicting show and lasts about an hour. The variety in businesses and staff that he encounters keeps it interesting.

It is a beautiful day here today, about 71 degrees (22’C) and it is only 11:30 am. I am going to enjoy some of the day and go buy some food to make a fancy dinner for myself, which is honestly just going to be a glorified grilled cheese. Typical.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy your weekend!

xoxo

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Starting Off!

Hey y’all!

This is officially my first blog post. My blog has been in the back of my mind for quite some time, but I have never gotten around to it, until the other day. I woke up and just thought about where my life is going, and while I am happy with it, I just want that something more. I thought of my idea of making a blog, and here we are! I feel like this is going to be a great journey for me.

It is going to be very different post to post – I have so many ideas in mind and I cannot wait to share them all. Even if only one person reads them (that person being my best friend), that is more than enough. It is something I want to do no matter what.

Here is a start to an exciting journey ahead of me!

xoxo