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Recovering!

Hey y’all!

This is finally a post where I feel like I’m more myself. Today, I realized I haven’t really thought of my ex in about two days; which is a lot for me. Even though I was completely done with him, I still found myself thinking of the memories we had around this time last year, or how he’s doing, or the future we had planned together.

I’ve been keeping myself busy and I kept telling myself that he wasn’t good for me. That while those memories were nice, they were short lived before things turned for the worst. Honestly, that helped me out.

It’s weird, but Sam Smith’s new album, The Thrill of it All, really helped me out as well. I found myself relating to about 12/14 songs, and that says a lot. I felt every lyric hitting my heart and found myself crying to the songs, knowing that someone out there knows how I feel. It felt like Sam Smith was in my relationship was with me, and wrote from my point of view. It was also kind of scary, knowing that other people have been through the same kind of pain and mentality of being afraid, and how difficult it is to get past heartbreak. It’s crazy how music can help you in the darkest time of your life, even those sad songs. Just knowing that you aren’t alone in how you feel and that there is something as beautiful as lyrics (and Sam Smith’s angelic voice) to help your feelings become even more clear. I definitely found a new appreciation for Sam Smith, even though I absolutely loved him already. If I went through all the lyrics that I related to, this post would be a million words long. Maybe I’ll end up doing a separate post breaking down the lyrics and reviewing it? Possibly.

Overall, I have been more myself. I feel more and more free with every day. Talking to new people; going for long walks in the cold with music and my dog; spending time at home; going out with friends are just simple things that help me find my freedom. That was never something I could really do beforehand, I felt like anything I did was betraying him, and now I’m starting to do what I want. It’s easier said than done, but the steps I’ve taken have helped me progress so much and I’ve honestly become so proud of myself.

The holidays are difficult right now with being alone, but I’m learning how to love myself and be by myself. I find that it’s good to do so at this time of year, it’s making me so much stronger than I thought I could be.

I’ll keep this updated as time goes by. Work is insane but I need to get back into this.

Hope you’re doing okay and that you’re having a beautiful day!

xoxo

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Emotional Abuse

Hey y’all!

This is yet again, a darker type post. Everyday seems to be getting better honestly, but I feel like there will still be some time until I’m truly okay.

The focus on this post is emotional abuse. That isn’t something I say lightly, and it has not been confirmed by a professional, but I definitely feel that I was a victim of this type of abuse.

I feel that my ex doesn’t even realize that he’s like this. In his mind, he does nothing wrong and he is perfect the way he is. He thinks that he’s an angel who deserves the best life ever, and that he is always in the right and everyone else is in the wrong. For two years, I have been the bad person in our relationship. I’m not saying that I’m perfect – I have made mistakes, but isn’t that part of being human and in my early 20’s? It’s time for learning and growing. However, he never let those mistakes go.

Anytime he got slightly upset (whether it was at me or at someone else), he would bring up past mistakes and make me feel so low about it. He would make the mistake seem a million times worse than it was, and while I do believe we all feel differently about things, he definitely used it to fuel his anger and yell at me. There were so many times I would spend the night with him, where it would end up with him getting drunk and arguing with me, and me going to bed, alone and crying to my friends. They would tell me to leave, but I found it so difficult to. I was so in love with him, and I now realize I love the future I created in my head with him, rather than him towards the end.

Anytime I expressed how I felt, I was wrong. I wasn’t allowed to feel the way I did. If I brought up any concerns or emotions about how things were going, he would get so defensive. He would again, bring up any flaws or mistakes, and make me feel wrong for feeling anything other than positivity with him. God forbid I have a bad day too – those were the worst. Normally, I’m a pretty cheerful person and I have good days, but like any other person, I can have bad days. Days I couldn’t even explain why I was so down; it was just like that. If I had a day like that, he wold make me feel so bad about it. Claim I’m taking it out on him. Say that I’m treating him badly because I’m not being myself.

He left me so many times, for small things. Early on this year, I had a minor surgery to remove a cyst on my chest. It wasn’t much at all, but the recovery time took a while for the stitches to heal and such. He didn’t come see me. I understood during the day, he had to work but even when he was off, all he told me was “we’ll see”, when I asked him to come over. Then, that Friday night, he broke up with me over text. All he said was “I’m leaving you”. Didn’t give a complete explanation, left me to cry so much my stitches opened and I was bleeding. He blocked me, and barely responded to any messages. He gave me a time to get my stuff, so I did. I tried begging for another chance, to change, to make things work. He ultimately agreed, saying we’ll slowly work on things.

Things were so up and down. Things would be great for a day, but then he would get so upset over the smallest thing and not talk to me. He would block me and leave me confused. I would start all over again, with crying and just confused about everything. I would find myself begging him for more chances and to change even more. I would have done literally anything. My friends would get so upset with me for going back to him and letting it happen, but I was at a place where he made me feel like that it was what I deserved. I let him make me feel that way, and I let myself believe that it was normal for a relationship to be like that. All that mattered was that he loved me, whether he wanted to show it or not.

I was afraid to talk to anyone about anything. I was afraid to go out, in fears he would get mad. I found an old notebook filled with emotions I had. Most of them was hoping he’ll see me, and being afraid. I was afraid to bring anything up because I was afraid he would get mad and leave me. I hated fighting, so I did anything to please him and let him control everything.

He bribed me a lot. He knew I wanted to get married, since that was something we discussed for some time. He would use that to get his way. I’ll never forget that he said “if you want to get married, you’ll delete any guys numbers in your phone”. While I didn’t even talk to any guys while we were together, and if I did, I told him and showed him the messages, I did it anyway because I was so focused on the idea of a future with him. I was desperate to leaving this place and going somewhere and growing old with the guy I thought I loved.

Towards the end, things were so bad. We went out with our friends, where we both got drunk. At this point, him being drunk and an asshole was almost daily, and if not daily, it was all weekend long. So we argued when we were out, and I ended up venting to someone that I probably shouldn’t. At that point, I was just so mentally exhausted that I just needed to talk, and alcohol definitely didn’t help that situation. I didn’t even say anything bad, just how tired I was and that I wish things were different. That friend told another friend, who told my ex, and he didn’t like it at all. He told me to go sleep with other guys, that I couldn’t be trusted, and that I was horrible for making him feel this way.

Next day was even worse. I had my father go get my stuff because I was actually afraid to go see him, since he was being crazy in the messages. Later that day, I went to work, where he messaged me to tell me that I had until the end of the day to fix things. He gave me an ultimatum and it made me more uncomfortable. When I told him that, he did stop and asked me to come over again. I said no, and he made it clear that it was the end. I accepted it and I thought that would be the last time we spoke. He posted some things on social media to hurt me, and instead of going off on him, I just ignored it. My friends were calling me and asking me about it, but I just ignored it all and just wanted to move on.

A week later, we both agreed to meet up and talk and get closure. I felt numb after everything and while I still loved him, I couldn’t be the person he wanted me to be and be able to stick around with him when things would still be like this. I needed time to find myself. It took all I had, but that was it. There was still talking for a few weeks after, and a big fight and ended up in me blocking him because I couldn’t do it anymore.

Fast forward two months, he found a way to contact me. He apologized for everything and I kept my guard up because I didn’t trust him. I appreciated him realizing that he was a huge part of why we didn’t work, and I talked to him more. I still loved him and wanted him in my life again, so I let him. He seemed like he really changed. While I admit I did do some things that I probably shouldn’t have – I was single and I’m 22. I’m going to grow from these things and learn from them, and not do them again. Which is exactly what happened.

We stopped talking for about a week, where I reached out to him again because my Opa passed away. He didn’t really acknowledge it, but only told me how much I wouldn’t change and how he deserves better. I did keep trying to talk to him, because he was still the comfort and familiarity that I wanted and needed to get through something as hard as my Opa passing. I changed a lot in 24 hours, and I like that I did. He didn’t want to see it, and maybe that’s for the best.

We completely stopped talking to each other about a week ago. We blocked each other and he made it clear he was done. He said some really hurtful things to me that I would never say to anyone, even as upset as I was with him. He had his faults, and I had mine. We’re not perfect, and we wouldn’t have been happy in a marriage together. We would have hurt each other, and we wouldn’t have lasted very long. We’re very different and that’s okay. I can love him as much as I want, but at the end of the day, we don’t always end up with the people we love. It took me two years to see that he was emotionally abusive and that I was exhausted mentally. I let him change me and control me. I will not let that happen with anyone again. I walked away from this stronger and I’m learning how to be by myself and love myself. I’m going to be okay, and with time, I will heal just fine.

I hurt him. He hurt me. We hurt each other, and that’s not how a relationship should be. I’m sure we found each other to teach other a lesson in life. I’m sure that there was a reason we were together for a while and that we saw a future in each other at one point. We drifted apart for a reason, and it’s probably the best for both of our happiness.

Our relationship wasn’t all bad. We had a lot of good times. We had a lot of laughs and enjoyed going out to do things and being together. We were able to have fun in almost anything we did. We had the most fun when it was just the two of us, and those are memories I’ll forever hold on to in my heart.

What I see looking back, is that towards the end, I really wasn’t myself around him. I wasn’t myself. I was sad, and afraid almost the whole time. No relationship is perfect, no person is perfect. I also realize that I was addicted to the hope that it’ll change. I held on hoping that it would be different and we would finally get married and get away and be happy together. That wasn’t the case though.

What I’ve learned from all this, is that it’s okay to make mistakes. You can’t change the past, but all you can do is move forward and work on yourself. Be comfortable with yourself, and if things don’t change in the relationship or you feel that it’s stuck in the past, it’s okay to walk away. Don’t change your complete self for someone else. You’ll change yourself and they won’t love you any more for it.

I’m going to be afraid of love for a long time. I’m going to be afraid of committing and opening up to people. This relationship has messed with me mentally, and maybe I should find help for it, but working on myself and loving myself will help as well. One day, I’ll find that person who will be understanding of it and be the person I’m meant to be with.

If there is anyone reading this going through anything similar, please don’t be afraid to say anything. I’m here for you, and I’m here to tell you that you’ll be okay. It doesn’t seem like it now, but it will be. Everything will work out for itself. Just put yourself first and you’ll find what makes you happy. If you’re more sad than happy, then it’s not working out. Life is too short to spend it afraid and feeling worthless.

As for my ex, I do hope he finds happiness. He wasn’t a terrible person, and I will always have that love for him. He was my first love, and I’ll hold on to those memories that were great.

For now, I’m going to enjoy being single.

xoxo

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Cutting Negativity Out

Hey y’all!

I’m writing another post out of anger. This is getting old, I know. I just have a lot of feelings (I definitely heard that girl from Mean Girls voice too lol).

Today, I realized that no matter how nice you want to be, it’s really not worth it. Personally, I am the type of person that believes people deserve more than one chance, because it is possible for people to change who they are and really prove that things aren’t always the same. However, it isn’t worth it all the time.

I learned that even some of the people who you think are kind, are not. They will easily go behind your back, or they will completely destroy your trust in anyone. They will leave you feeling confused and mad. They will amaze you because they will prove to you that your judgment isn’t good, and that you need to rethink a lot of emotions towards people.

While I still want to find trust in people, I definitely have such a guard up. I pushed some genuine people away because I was afraid of it going sour or them being fake. I wish I could help it, but right now I can’t. Maybe in time I will. Maybe after I learn how to love myself again or when I heal, but I can’t seem to find it in me right now, and that’s okay. I deserve the time I need to figure everything out and learn.

I’m going to be angry for a while. I’m going to be confused. I’m going to be hurt. I’m going to be upset. But – I’m going to be okay. With time, I will heal myself. With time, I will get out of this horrid place I live in and move away from the drama and memories and forget everything. I will be okay.

For now, I cut anyone negative out of my life. I have enough going on, where I don’t need extra stress or hurt added on. I don’t need to be surrounded by problems. I used to be so happy before a certain someone came into my life, and I want to get back to that place. That place I was before everything went downhill. The good thing about this is that the only way I can go from here, is up. And that is what I plan on doing.

No matter what anyone might think or say about me, I know how I am as a person and how the true people I have in my life are. I know the people I can count on and who actually love and support me and want nothing but the best for me. I appreciate them and the positivity they bring to my life, and they will help me get past everything.

Day after day, things will get easier. I just need to remember how to stand on my own two feet again and be okay.

Thanks for reading, I do appreciate this outlet more than anything.

xoxo

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Strength

Hey y’all!

So, as I said in my previous post, these upcoming ones aren’t going to be so happy and lovely. I wish I could shut everything off and do that, but I can’t. However, what I do know, is that I’m going to be okay and that this is a way for me to be okay again.

Rather than sadness, I have anger. I prefer it that way, because in sadness, I only thought of the good times, how badly I want something I can’t have, and I had the temptation to run back, just to feel what I felt at what point.

With anger, I see the bad times more. While there were good times with this person, the bad definitely outweighed the good. I don’t miss this person as much, I don’t find myself wondering about the future I dreamed of – I find myself realizing the reality of a future I would have had. I see what everyone has been telling me for two years and I’m using that anger to help myself move on.

I use that anger and I work out. I’m doing it to get the anger out, and clear my mind (I may also use this as motivation to be hot and make them eat their heart out, but mostly for me). It’s been working so far and I find myself feeling more calm. This is also when I use yoga or meditation to calm down. When I find myself getting really pissed off, I close my eyes and breathe. It helps.

I was totally about to write “last night, I came to a realization”, when Too Good by Drake & Rihanna came on. So weird, because a lyric is LITERALLY “last night, I came to a realization”. SO WEIRD. It fit perfectly.

That realization is that this person is never going to love me the way I truly want them to. This person is never going to respect me. This person is never going to be the person I thought they were or could have been. This person is not meant to be. This all hit hard, but it put me in a weird state. Subconsciously, I always knew that it wasn’t meant to be, but I never wanted to see it. Now, I do. I feel like I have more of a clear vision of myself, and it’s time to do what I want to do and be my own person. I’m no longer the person that they turned me into, and I’m not driving myself insane trying to please them. It would have been for nothing, because they made it obvious that nothing I could ever do would be good enough for them.

It really is time to let go. It’s not easy – it’s definitely one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. But I need to think of what I need and what is best.

My happiness will come first and I need to hold on to that instead.

Now I’m off to watch Christmas movies on Netflix and cry until I go to bed. Thanks for reading!

xoxo

 

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Update!

Hey y’all!

Oh my, has it been so long since I’ve posted. The last time I even checked on here was in July. That’s insane. So much has happened since then that has kept me very busy, and in all honesty – I completely forgot about my blog.

This was supposed to be my way to express my thoughts and feelings and I let it go. It had helped me get through tough times earlier this year, that maybe it will again. Doesn’t hurt to try.

Since July, my life has been up and down and all around. I went on vacation for a few weeks, which was honestly beautiful. Going to see family and going to the beach is what I didn’t even realize I needed. It took me away from my problems and helped clear my mind. Then, I came home and it was back to real life, and it seemed like everything was just going well for me in general.

Then, someone came into contact with me and threw my life in a whirlwind. It felt like things were different with said person, but I soon learned that some people just don’t change. It took about three weeks for me to see it, and I found myself back in the place I was in for two years. It felt like everything had been going wrong again, that I was surrounded by drama and heartbreak and fear. It was scary, and I found myself feeling so weak again. I didn’t know what to do.

I stayed with that. I didn’t realize that those songs and books and quotes were true – that you could be addicted to the pain. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to hold on and hold on to the little chance things would be different again and that I could be happy. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case. It took me a while, but I finally found it in myself to be strong and love myself.

That has been the hardest part. It was so difficult to walk away. I stayed through hurt and pain, and I still could hardly find it in myself to let it go. But I did, and I am currently learning how to love myself.

My Opa also passed away about a month ago. It hit really hard, and I’m still fighting through the pain every day but it’s getting easier. I know he’s not suffering anymore, and as selfish as I want to be, I’m happy he’s in a better place and that he’s peaceful. I’ll miss him everyday for the rest of my life.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. I’m not going to say I feel refreshed and like myself. Going through heartbreak over and over again is mentally draining, but I’m puling myself back together. It’s a process and I had a setback, but I know I can find my way. I’m going to use my blog to get thoughts and feelings out again, rather than bottle them inside and feel exhausted 24/7. This is going to be my outlet again and I need to really get back into this.

I have some ideas for posts coming up, and they won’t be exactly happy posts. Just a warning.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo

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Breakups Aren’t Easy

Hey y’all!

SO, my last post was about how to get through a breakup a little easier, or the steps that I take, at least. While those do help, I can’t help but realize that it’s still hard.

While I know that I’m okay – I can go through the day without crying and I am more easily distracted – it still hurts. There comes certain times in the day, music, shows, movies, even a certain smell makes me think of him, and it hurts. That’s when I start to miss him, no matter how much I know that I shouldn’t. There comes a time in the night where I consider running back to him and fix our relationship. No matter how much I want to, I don’t. Because I know that if I do, I would go right back to square one when it doesn’t work out. AGAIN.

Every relationship and breakup is different. I can sit here and tell you that you’re going to be okay in no time and that you deserve better all I want, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else says until YOU realize it. I am in that stage now. I’m slowly realizing how hard my relationship was and that it wasn’t healthy for me. I did more crying and fighting than anything. Seeing that for the first time is making this whole thing easier.

I’m able to go to work and not think of him. I’m able to do whatever I want without caring if his friends will be there to tell him what I’m doing. I don’t have to worry about a damn thing.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. He was a big part of my life and I genuinely thought I had a future with him. Letting that go is what is so hard about this. Accepting that it is over and that it’s not meant to be is what is making me second guess everything but I have to STAY STRONG. I got this. I’m free.

At the end of the day, I can miss him and love him all I want, but I do not need him. My life is my life and I can do whatever the F I want with it.

Thanks for listening to my rant! It probably made absolutely no sense but I hope it can somewhat relate to some of you.

xoxo

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Going Through a Breakup

Hey y’all!

I haven’t posted in forever, and that is for good reason. I was going through a really tough ending on a two year relationship with someone I had thought I was going to marry. It’s unfortunate how life doesn’t go as you plan, but I must say it does set up for teaching lessons.

One thing I have learned through all this is that I am stronger than I thought I was. Usually, I am such an emotional person (no joke, like, I cry even at the sight of a homeless person or a slightly sad scene in a movie. It’s bad.) but I kept it together. Maybe it’s because of how it all ended, or maybe it’s because I ended up getting the closure I needed but I was able to keep it together, which is a lot for me. It took a lot of deep breaths and reminding myself that I can do this.

There are times where I didn’t eat or drink water, and all I did was cry. I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than cry and pray and cry more. It was really tough, but having support of my best friends around me helped. They constantly reminded me that I was okay and that I can pull through this. While it isn’t something you want to hear at the time, it’s good to hear it because one day, it will get through to you. And while it doesn’t seem like anything will ever go right in your life again and that you’ll never feel anything but misery – YOU WILL. I am a walking example of that.

This relationship was my first SERIOUS relationship and the first guy I’ve ever loved. Of course I felt that I would never feel okay again. I literally planned a future with him, but one thing I have to remind myself that it wasn’t meant to be, and that it’s for the best. Not the thing you want to hear right now, I get that. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason behind why this is happening. It is unknown, but the pain that is going on will help lead us to new found strength.

If you need time to be alone, it’s okay. It’s also okay if you go out right away and party. However you want to deal with it, do it. You’re allowed to sit in your room and cry, as long as you don’t do that for months straight. You’re allowed to go out and drink with your friends, as long as you don’t do it daily. There has to be a healthy balance, and find the best way for you to overcome this.

I constantly only think of the good times. I want to remember all of them, and that is completely okay. However, thinking of only the good times isn’t going to help either. I know you don’t want to remember them as someone you hated, but it doesn’t have to be that way either. Remembering all the hurt and the reasons why it lead to this helps. No relationship is perfect, and thinking of the “perfect” moment in yours isn’t going to assist in your healing. I know it sounds contradicting, but it’s still okay to remember those moments – but when you are ready. When you feel you are stable enough to think about the good times without running back and begging, then it is time to let your mind wander.

Write a letter to them. Unless you are going to say goodbye to the person, don’t send it or do anything. Burn it. Keep it. Just get all your hurt out. Tell them what’s hurting you. Tell them their flaws. Tell them what irritated you. Tell them how upset you are. Get it all out and tell them all that. I was able to talk to my ex the other day and we said goodbye the proper way so I gave him my letter. Other than that, do whatever you want. Chances are, you should just burn it. Let it go in flames as a way to say goodbye for your closure.

Personally, music and writing out my feelings helped me. Make a playlist with your favorite breakup songs (my personal favorite right now is The Feeling by Justin Bieber & Halsey. Ugh YES.), and get a notebook or make a blog. Write out all of your feelings and emotions and why you feel the way you do. I started to write in my notebook about my feelings and thoughts since the day of the break up, and I find that I write less some days, and more some others. However, it’s good to keep and express yourself this way. You can look back one day and see what you went through, and realize that you overcame a time in your life that you never thought you would. 

TBH, working out. It’s not for everyone, but it is something that I’m starting. I feel that it is going to be a great way for me to get all my anger and frustration out. You can let go of the pain and put it in running or pilates. (Also, while you’re dying from working out, you don’t think of the other person and you are distracted).

Put all the stuff that reminds you of them in a box and put it away. This was one of the first things I did because I wasn’t even able to sleep in my own room without the constant thoughts. So, I got a box, put all of the things he bought me or things we bought together in, and put it in the basement. In time, when ready, then I can go through the box without the stabbing pain in my chest. For now, it is out of sight and out of mind. I suggest you do the same. It’s amazing how much that little step can work.

It’s also important to remember that this isn’t your fault. Now, I don’t know what happened or why it lead to this, but it isn’t completely your fault. There are two people in a relationship, so the blame can’t be just on one person. I’m nowhere near ready to talk about why mine ended, but looking back, I realized that I took the blame for 98% of things. It’s not like that. Both halves are at fault in some way, so please remember that you are not to blame for everything. We all have flaws, but you shouldn’t have to feel that this is all because of you. This isn’t your fault, and you need to imprint that in your mind right now before it drives you insane.

Honestly, my best friends helped pull me through this. I have no idea where I’d be without them. They helped me find this strength I needed to get through this. They are constantly helping me and are encouraging me to find inner peace with what happened and know that I am okay. Find those people, whether it is your best friends, strangers you meet that have NO idea about your life, or your parents. Even confiding in a pet can help.

Talk it out. I find that talking it out brings me to more realizations. There are some things that I hadn’t noticed before, but it clicked in my mind when I talked to my best friend about it. It definitely helps. You can express yourself and cry and get all those feelings out. It’s completely healthy to.

REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE BAD BITCH YOU KNOW YOU ARE. You don’t need anyone else taking that away from you. You are beautiful, strong, thoughtful and you deserve someone to treat you like the sweetheart you are. 

I know it seems that all hope is lost and that you’ll never be okay, but you will be. It’s your time now. Do things you want to do. Want to see a cliche movie that your ex put down? Go watch it. Want to have a pamper evening that you were rarely allowed to? Do it. Go out for drinks with friends? DO IT. Do whatever your pretty heart desires. It’s your time to figure out who you are and all the things you are capable of. 

Last of all, you will be okay. You are strong and will get through this. I promise.

xoxo

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My Birthday!

Hey y’all!

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday!! May 31st is the exact day, and it was definitely a great day overall. It is Gemini season and it couldn’t be better.

I planned on sleeping in, but my dog had other plans, apparently. He woke me up because he had to go outside, so I mean, it is understandable. After I let him out, my parents and Oma said happy birthday to me. I opened a lovely card and chocolate from my Oma, a Swarovski pen from my brother & sister-in-law (which I did not expect at all) and then an Amazon Fire Tablet along with a case from my parents. I appreciated it all so much, and while I did not expect anything, it made me very grateful.

My parents then made me breakfast, which was delicious as always. My dad made me my favorite chocolate chip pancakes, which was just perfect. I then had to get ready for work after, and then had some cake with my family before I left.

I was genuinely surprised at work to see that many people remembered my birthday, and wished me a happy birthday. It made my heart feel nice. I also received a card, some chocolate and a bottle of Essie nail polish. It was overall very sweet.

After work, came dinner! I went to a Greek restaurant in town with my family and my boyfriend came along. It was delicious as always, and nonstop chatter and laughter with how we all are. I was very happy with it, and it was nice to share that time with the people that mean most to me.

My boyfriend gave me a rose gold Swarovski bracelet. It is absolutely gorgeous and I was LITERALLY the heart eye emoji when I opened it. He spent the night with me so my day was amazing start to finish.

I received so many birthday wishes throughout the day (you all know how much your phone tends to go off on your birthday) and I appreciated them all. My best friend checked on me periodically through the day and it made my day better, just knowing that she was there for me, being supportive throughout.

I think my next post will be a review on the tablet. I really enjoy it so far, and will gladly give my opinion in it.

Have a lovely day!

xoxo

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Weekend Recap

Hey y’all!

I hope you had a great weekend!! Whether or not you had a 3 day, I hope you made the most of it either way. Tomorrow is unfortunately back to reality – but my birthday is coming up in two days! Yay!

The weather this weekend has been awesome. Mid 80’s (about 28’c) and sunshine. I made a fancy grilled cheese that I had mentioned in my previous post. Instead of regular and traditional grilled cheese – there was a twist. I used Crushed Black Pepper Turkey, Pepper Jack Cheese, and jalapeños for the sandwich. Technically not a grilled cheese anymore, but it was made the same so it counts. There were fireworks on Saturday as well (early, I know) to celebrate and honor Memorial Day. It was a lovely 30 minutes and it is important that we remember why have Memorial Day.

Yesterday (Sunday) was completely relaxed. I let myself sleep in until about 1 pm, made pancakes with Reese’s chocolate chips (I have to put my recipe for my breakfast foods and other meals that I enjoy making) and then did homework. I spent the rest of my day watching chick flicks. I finally watched The Prince & Me and I absolutely love it. I also watched She’s The Man (classic) and Letters to Juliet, which may be my new favorite chick flick to watch when I’m in a lovey mood.

Today (Monday) I cleaned and laid outside to tan. It is so beautiful outside and I have quite a view, so I enjoyed it while reading. I am currently reading two different books, “When I’m Gone” by Emily Bleeker and “First and Goal by Kata Cuic. Two very different styles. I am not far into either, but I will be definitely putting up reviews about each, and other books that I will start reading. I am a sucker for summer romance novels right now, it is my favorite thing to do when I am laying around. Reading is something that I enjoy doing very much and will be doing much more now that my online class is ending next week. The more books to read, the more time I spend laying out in the sun with this to look at  –

 

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you would do the same.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great week ahead of you!

xoxo

 

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Getting Into Cooking Shows

Hey y’all!

Happy weekend! It is a 3 day weekend, and it is important that we keep the meaning of memorial day in our minds and remember all those that have fallen.

That being said, it is only day 1 of the weekend and it has already been lovely. I stayed up until 3 am last night watching cooking shows. Honestly, that is probably what I’m going to do the rest of the weekend as well. I don’t know what it is about cooking shows that inspires you and makes you feel you could become a chef – when in reality, you can barely boil water (I can make the basics, but this makes me feel like I can accomplish anything).

I started with Beat Bobby Flay. If you are not familiar with this show, this is where Chef Bobby Flay has two appearances to judge food that two other chefs make, who are competing to get a chance to beat Bobby himself. Bobby gives them one ingredient that they have to make a meal based off of, in only 20 minutes. Whoever wins that challenge then goes up against Bobby, where they state their signature dish, and Bobby has to make a version of it. They have 45 minutes, and it’s fun because the two appearances then mess with Bobby to try and get him to lose. They have 3 professional chefs come in to taste and judge the dishes, without knowing who made them. It is a -half hour episode- show which is very enjoyable, and I could binge watch these all day.

The next show was called Ginormous Foods. This show follows comedian Josh Denny around to different cities in America to restaurants that have a crazy large dish. I remember one particular episode where there was a 17 lb. burrito. I MEAN WHAT. I think that is enough said about how the show goes. He tries signature dishes in the episode, then gets to help create the ginormous dish. He shares with other customers in the restaurant, which is nice of him. This show is also about half an hour, and I do not recommend watching this show at 1:30 am when you are hungry. It gets rough.

The last show I watched was Kitchen Nightmares. My favorite chef to watch created this – Gordon Ramsay. He is such a character, and I love it (I personally would cry if he talked to me the way he talked to some of the people on his shows, but I like watching it). He visits various restaurants in different cities that used to do well, but has had a downfall. He goes in, orders a dish, and then critiques the food and the environment around him. He observes the decoration, the presentation of the food, how he is served and how other customers around him are reacting. He then goes in the back and looks around, and is able to talk to the owner about the business and gets an insight as to why it is failing. He starts of slow; by sitting in the kitchen during a busy night and seeing how the chef and waiters handle it. Usually, it is chaos but it gets entertaining seeing Gordon start to get mad and let loose. While he may use this approach, he still gives tips and helps out the restaurant in the best ways he sees fit and does his best to assist in turning the business around. It is quite an addicting show and lasts about an hour. The variety in businesses and staff that he encounters keeps it interesting.

It is a beautiful day here today, about 71 degrees (22’C) and it is only 11:30 am. I am going to enjoy some of the day and go buy some food to make a fancy dinner for myself, which is honestly just going to be a glorified grilled cheese. Typical.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy your weekend!

xoxo